Dating With Arthritis | Ep. 73

Full Transcript:
Released 2/21/2023

PODCAST OPEN:                 
You’re listening to the Live Yes! With Arthritis podcast, created by the Arthritis Foundation to help people with arthritis — and the people who love them — live their best lives. If you’re dealing with chronic pain, this podcast is for you. You may have arthritis, but it doesn’t have you. Here, learn how you can take control. Our host is Rebecca Gillett, an arthritis patient and occupational therapist, who is joined by others to help you live your Yes.  
  
MUSIC BRIDGE

Rebecca Gillett:
Thanks for joining me on the Live Yes! With Arthritis podcast. In today's episode, we are talking about dating with arthritis. It's apparently a very hot topic that triggers eye rolls and a slew of other emotions and responses. While it's not for the faint at heart, the heart is the very reason why we put ourselves out there and through the dating gauntlet. But before we get into the topic, I do want to share with all of you listeners that this is my last episode as the host of the Live Yes! With Arthritis podcast.

It has been an honor and a privilege to be in this community with all of you. And it's been the thing that's given me the most joy in my time here on staff at the Arthritis Foundation. Your comments, your feedback, your emails to us about how much the podcast has changed your life or given you a little bit of hope, means everything to me. And so, at the end of the episode, join us in a little farewell, and hear a little bit more about what's next, after our top three takeaways.

But for now, let's turn back to that topic of dating. Dating with a chronic condition like arthritis creates its own level of trials, both physical and emotional. That's why our guest experts, sisters Alexa and Jacqueline Child, created Dateability, a dating app that's not your average dating app. Jacqueline has hit her fair share of roadblocks while dating, so she, along with Alexa, created a safe and inclusive space for users with physical, intellectual and psychiatric disabilities to date.

I also welcome another guest to the show, Sadiq Jiwa. Sadiq will provide us with that male perspective on dating with arthritis. And together we'll candidly discuss the highs and the lows, and how to make it safe and potentially less painful, and everything in between. So, welcome to the podcast, Alexa, Jacqueline and Sadiq.

Alexa Child:
Hi, thank you for having us.

Sadiq Jiwa:
Looking forward to it.

Rebecca Gillett:
First of all, I'm not single, so talking about dating with arthritis… I've been married for 15 years, but with my husband longer. I do remember being in the dating scene because I was only 26 when I was diagnosed — and thinking how hard it would be for me going forward to even meet anyone. I'd love for each of you to kind of share a little bit about your story. So, let's start with you first Jacqueline.

Jacqueline Child:
I am 28. And I live in Denver, Colorado. And I have been chronically ill since I was 14. I was first diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos and dysautonomia. And I wasn't diagnosed with arthritis until I was about 20. And I had my first joint replacement at 21. And then once I hit 23, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and lupus.

Rebecca Gillett:
What about you, Alexa? Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Alexa Child:
I am 32 and I'm the older sister of Jacqueline. I do not have arthritis, but Jacqueline has arthritis. And I've watched her journey since being diagnosed. I consider myself an ally and an advocate. And I watched her go through all of her dating experiences as a disabled woman. That is partly why we decided to partner up and create Dateability.

Rebecca Gillett:
Sadiq, how about you? Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Sadiq Jiwa:
I was diagnosed with juvenile idiopathic arthritis when I was 6 years old. I'm currently 26 and a professional golfer, training to hopefully one day get on the PGA Tour. The symptoms of my arthritis started when I was 3, and seeing it evolve from what was just one or two joints that were affected to now full-blown systemic JIA. And I'm very thankful for the support team that I've got, that are helping me to deal with the condition.

Rebecca Gillett:
Jacqueline, what was it like for you for dating?

Jacqueline Child:
I never expected it to be so difficult. I had a very average college experience. And that was when I first got my jaw joint replacement. I never really felt like I had any trouble dating. And I felt very included in everything. And it wasn't until I moved to Denver, and moved in with my sister, that everything just went downhill from there.

I really panicked, finding the right time to disclose all of my chronic illnesses and limitations to people. Juggling “Do I wait, do I tell them right away?” was the hardest part. But in the end, it really didn't matter when I told someone. They were always turned off and looked at me like I was unworthy of their love, and just really didn't give me the chance to prove to them that I'm worthy, and I'm capable of giving and receiving love.

Rebecca Gillett:
That makes me really sad to hear. I'm sorry.

Jacqueline Child:
Yeah, it was really hard to be honest about it because, I mean, it is embarrassing to be rejected over and over again, especially over something that you can't change. I was made to feel that this chronic illness was shameful. And it's taken years of being open and vulnerable, you know, with family and friends and through therapy, to realize that it isn't about me. It says a lot more about my prospective partners than it does about me.

Rebecca Gillett:
Exactly. I remember that feeling, too, after being diagnosed. Like, oh wow, how am I going to tell people? Like, who is going to want to date me, knowing that I am going to have something to deal with the rest of my life? Sadiq, was this something similar you faced?

Sadiq Jiwa:
I never really dated that much through high school, especially with all the sports training and the fact that I did go to an all-boys school. And so, I didn’t really start dating until college came around. And I want to say that I got really lucky. I found somebody who I ended up in a long-term relationship with for almost five years. I was learning all the nuances of how to disclose the micro and macro aspects of my arthritis. And when that relationship ended, unfortunately due to just long distance, re-entering back into the dating world when I was 23, 24, and then into now, I’ve had some similar experiences to Jacqueline.

It’s become quite intimidating and a little bit embarrassing, frankly, the more times I have to disclose my arthritis to a prospective partner, and frankly, the rejections that have come with that, or the amount of people that are turned off by it. But then it’s really turned around to realizing that it really isn’t me. And those people who are turned off by the symptoms or some of the issues that I have with my arthritis may not necessarily be the best long-term potential partners. And so, me being able to wrap my head around that concept has helped.

Rebecca Gillett:
Definitely. I was still living in Florida in, probably two years after diagnosis, and I remember crying and saying, "How am I supposed to tell people this? And what do I say? And when they reject me, what is that going to be like?" And, it was a guy friend, and he said, "You know what, you're an amazing person. And if they reject you, it has nothing to do with you. It's not your diagnosis. It's just who they are." And I've always kind of carried that with me.

At what point, Jacqueline, have you found that it was most comfortable for you to disclose and share your arthritis with somebody you might be dating?

Jacqueline Child:
I've never been confident in disclosing it. I've always felt the pressure of having to tell someone, either because it's forced upon me, like they ask me to go on a hike or they ask me how many days I've skied this season. I always feel pressure of having to disclose then. Or I feel like I'm hiding a big part of myself. I hope I get to that point where I feel like I can confidently say, “This is who I am. And are you ready to go along the ride with me?”

Sadiq Jiwa:
Jacqueline has made a really key point here, which is finding when that time is to disclose. I've experimented with disclosing on the first date, and then not disclosing for I think it was almost three-and-a-half weeks, both of which backfired on me. And we're still trying to find where that sweet spot is.

I’ve realized, going on a few dates, that if I don't disclose that part of me early on, they're going to find out eventually. And I've found that I would much rather be in control of disclosing that information than them reading about it. My arthritis makes up a big component of who I am. It's what's led me to be a pro golfer. It's led me to train the way that I do and have specific structured parts of my life. And that's something that I would like to share with a potential partner, but something that I want to have control over disclosing.

I err more on the side of disclosing a little bit early. And then, as questions arise, if those questions come up, and if we continue to date, and then we go along and continue to talk about it together. But I call it the slow burn because that really (laughter) is what it is.

Rebecca Gillett:
I love that: slow burn. Listen, I've been married a long time. I think it's still a slow burn. We're both learning more about my rheumatoid arthritis. I mean, I swear. I'm an OT. I've had arthritis for 20 years, and I am always learning something new about my immune system and my condition.

Sadiq Jiwa:
Jacqueline is right, that hiking date is tough when you have similar autoimmune conditions. And we have to find ways to either get around that, or do a little more prep work for that, or be able to disclose and say, "Hey, you know what? That's just not something that we can do. Can we do something else instead?"

PROMO:
The Arthritis Foundation is always looking for new ways to inform you about the things you want to know more about. Check out our webinars — in real time or on demand. Visit https://www.arthritis.org/events/webinars to learn more.

Rebecca Gillett:
Jacqueline, in these times where maybe you've gone on some dates with somebody and you've started to share a little bit, and they don't receive it well, how have you handled that rejection?

Jacqueline Child:
I tend to take a lot of things personally. It's really hard to not take something personally when someone tells you directly, "Dating you seems way too stressful." That is just such an insult. And so, Alexa will just be like, "Goodbye. You don't want that man." And that's how I get through it. I'm like, "You're right, that's the last type of person I ever want to be with." But I mean, it still hurts.

Rebecca Gillett:
Yeah. What about you, Sadiq?

Sadiq Jiwa:
You never want to hear that from somebody, to be like, “Dating you is too stressful.” I would turn around and be like, “Well, dating you has been stressful, too.” (laughter) Like, “This is a two-way street, right?” I would take things pretty personally initially, especially as I was re-entering the dating world and disclosing. And I had my best friend, who would be like, “You know what? Like you need to realize that the people that are not willing to learn more about you or truly get to know you for who you are not the people that you want in your corner, or who you want to pursue anything further with.”

I definitely still struggle with that concept. When someone tells you, “Hey, I don't want to date you because you have arthritis,” and that has happened to me a couple of times, very directly, and those still sting a little bit. I wish I had a little bit of Alexa's strategy in my corner as well here, because I could use a little bit of that. “You know what? Goodbye. It's alright, on to what's next.”

Alexa Child:
What I realize, as an able-bodied, non-disabled person: I never take my health for granted. I don't have arthritis today, but my sister has arthritis, my father has arthritis, and in 20 years, so could I. I think about it from that lens, that we really have no idea what's in store for any of us. And it's so shortsighted to just be like, "Oh, because you have arthritis, as somebody in your 20s, I don't want to date you." Most of us are going to age into disability eventually, and so it's just very, yeah, it is shortsighted and silly. And it drives me crazy.

Sadiq Jiwa:
Exactly. And this is also why I'm such a fan of a concept like Dateability. Right? Those who have to overcome adversity, and everybody has to overcome their own adversity, and overcoming that adversity is what really builds character.

Rebecca Gillett:
When you find somebody, and you're with them, and you share with them what's going on, and they go through tough times with you… Let’s say you end up having a surgery and you’re dating somebody and you’re in a serious relationship. How they handle that shows you a lot, right?

Before my husband and I ever got engaged, I was in the middle of graduate school and had to have surgery on my neck. It scared him, and he was quick to tell me, you know, I was very emotional the day before surgery, "No matter what happens, I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere." And so that's the kind of person you need, right? But getting there, I know, is not easy.

Sadiq Jiwa:
You don't truly realize how good you have it with somebody or how truly somebody is in your team, just like Rebecca described with your husband, like how much he was a part of your team. Being able to let your significant other be a part of that team or help out, whether it's the little things of coming to an injection appointment or telling them, "Hey, I'm feeling like this today," or whether it's good or bad, or it's something bigger.

It also helps to build that intangible, deeper bond between the two of you and create that extra level of trust that is so key when it comes to a relationship, just in general, but even especially with chronic conditions like we have.

Jacqueline Child:
I think that's a really good point. I disguise everything with humor. I downplay it. I am not honest. People will ask me questions, and I still can't be honest with them. Letting someone in is really important. That's definitely something I want to strive towards: being able to be open and just letting those people in.

Sadiq Jiwa:
Similar to you, Jacqueline, I love using humor to get out of actually being honest with my relationship in how I was feeling, right? The classic, I'm doing fine, when I got eight different parts of my body hurting. And I look back in hindsight and I go, “You know, I wish I really had said that I got eight different things hurting,” until it got to a point where there was no way to hide it, right? You never ever want to get to that point.

Rebecca Gillett:
It's honest communication, right? To really be vulnerable and tell really how you're feeling. I'm not one to sugar coat, and (laughs) everybody knows that. It took a while for me to get there, to get to the point where, once somebody asked me how I was doing, I said, “I feel like crap,” you know? Versus, “Oh, I’m OK,” you know? I think sarcasm and humor gets us through, right?

I think another thing that affects us when we have a chronic illness is our self-image and our body image, and how we feel about our own body. And so our comfortability level on being able to share what's going on in our lives or with our body with somebody else is a lot. I wonder how internalizing the physical and emotional aspects of your disease has affected all three of you on your dating.

Sadiq Jiwa:
What we talked about a little bit earlier with Jacqueline, she, and both of us, use the term “being embarrassed” or a little bit intimidated to disclose our respective conditions to a prospective partner. And you think about where that embarrassment or intimidation comes from. And it comes, at least in my case, it comes from how I think that prospective person is going to view me. And that in turn shows a little bit of my own insecurities about the way I feel about my condition and how it affects my body and the way I am.

That little bit of acceptance of how I felt about the condition is what then helped me to talk about it with other people and just be my own self and personality around those people. And I think it was, like I said, something that took a lot of trial and error, where I was just so worried for when I first re-entered the dating world about what people were thinking about me and what people would think when I disclosed and how I looked and how I was. And then it turned into using humor of, “Hey, I've got zero degrees of internal hip rotation,” and would try to spin that in some sort of humorous way. I kind of got to that point where, you know, when I accepted that a little bit, it got a little bit easier for me to go out and date and meet new people.

Jacqueline Child:
Yeah, I relate to that. And even just like the physical changes you experience or like the outward changes you experience with different treatments. And you just look in the mirror and you don't recognize yourself, and that's very hard. I got the moon face, and I gained weight very, very quickly. And I had no control over that. And it was really hard to go through. Why do I feel so ashamed of gaining 40 pounds? Well, because society tells us that you have to be under a certain weight to be attractive. It can be really hard to deal with like the physical appearance changes.

I have scars on pretty much every body part, and it can be embarrassing to have to show. I do think that this self-image and being insecure about your body, for me, has changed, especially in the last year, as I had to get a feeding tube. I have pretty severe gastroparesis, and I have gone on one date since I've had that feeding tube, and of course that feeding tube never came up. My chronic illnesses actually never even came up. So, that's a new component of dating for me: having to date with this feeding tube as well.

Rebecca Gillett:
Yeah. It must be extremely difficult.

Sadiq Jiwa:
I just wanted to point out, I mean, even as we're doing this, and as Jacqueline is sharing a lot of her story and the stuff that she's gone through, and how inspiring all that is as well. What she is saying, what I am saying, about that ability to say, "You know, so what, I've got a scar on my chest." Right? Like own up to it. Or "So what, I've got no internal hip rotation." That is so much easier said than done.

Rebecca Gillett:
Yeah.

Sadiq Jiwa:
We're making it sounds a little bit like, oh, you know, we kind of flipped a switch. It's not that easy to do.

Rebecca Gillett:
No.

Sadiq Jiwa:
Right? And it comes with, you know, having to, I'm going to say this, the Alexa factor in your corner, right? Or in my case, a couple of really good friends on the sport team that I've had, to just help continue to pump you up and be more comfortable with who you are and what you got to deal with.

Rebecca Gillett:
Yeah, I agree. That support system around you helps you to be stronger. I have a big sister, too, who will beat anybody up who's mean to me, still to this day.

Sadiq Jiwa:
Yeah. I'm saying, I want to borrow Alexa for a little bit here, like… (laughter)

Jacqueline Child:
Alexa's official role, in our family, is like advocate. That’s her role.

PROMO:
The Arthritis Foundation’s Live Yes! Connect Groups are peer-led, volunteer-run support groups that bring people together for fun and informative events and activities. They offer a place of understanding and encouragement and cover all kinds of topics. Find your tribe at https://connectgroups.arthritis.org.

Rebecca Gillett:
Well, let's talk about this app that you have created, Jacqueline and Alexa. It's called Dateability. Tell us about it.

Jacqueline Child:
We launched in October. We had worked on the app for a whole year, and it obviously came about because of my experiences. Alexa was like, "I just wish there was an app for chronically ill and disabled people." And I was like, "Me, too." And she just said, "Oh, OK. Let's make one." And that was a huge undertaking. (laughs)

Alexa Child:
Yeah.

Jacqueline Child:
We really want to create this like safe and inclusive platform for people like Sadiq and myself, who can just go on and not feel that anxiety of disclosing your disability or chronic illness and just having a place where there's people who understand you. And I think that Dateability can be that place where people find someone just like them.

Alexa Child:
Each profile has a section called Dateability Deets, and it's an extensive list of broad terms, like immunocompromised, wheelchair user, food allergy. And the user, if they want, it's optional, can select what applies to them or type something in. And it shows up on your profile under your basic information, along with your age, where you live, with your pictures. And it's just supposed to neutralize and destigmatize disability.

Able-bodied people are able and welcome to join, as long as they're understanding and compassionate and share the same values. But we want it to be a diverse place, all kinds of disabilities, or not disabled. We want everyone to join and just have it be that safe, inclusive space for people to find companionship, whether it's friendship or romantic relationships.

Jacqueline Child:
It's available in the United States and Canada and Mexico. There was one point in my life where I was like, “I would never date someone else with a chronic illness. Like this would just be depressing.” And I really realized through therapy that that was just internalized ableism talking. And, you know, my therapist hit me with the question like, "So then why should anyone date you?" And I was like, “OK, well because I'm this, this, this.” And she goes, “OK, well, there's a million other people out there like you with a chronic illness.” And I was like, “Bingo.”

I'm absolutely open to dating someone who doesn't have a chronic illness and just has, you know, is compassionate, empathetic, anti-ableist and has those abilities to get through anything and stick with someone through thick and thin.

Rebecca Gillett:
How has the success of the app been since you launched?

Jacqueline Child:
It's been great. At week 12, we surpassed 2,000 users, and we have yet to pay for marketing or, you know, done any kind of social media marketing. Right now, it's just been from press and word of mouth. We're very confident this year and all the years after are going to be great for Dateability, and we're really going to give the community the app that they deserve.

Rebecca Gillett:
I love it. What a great idea. What have you found that has gotten you through some of those situations?

Sadiq Jiwa:
Communicating how you're feeling, both at a micro and macro level. At least with my experience with the arthritis, I will have swings in the way that I'm feeling on a year-to-year, month-to-month, week-to-week and day-to-day basis, so the way that I'm feeling, especially when you're trying to get intimate with your partner, is going to vary.

When you're in some sort of physical pain or mental pain, it's tough to get turned on and want to go down that intimacy path. And so, I think one of the most important things to do is to communicate, one, how you're feeling, and two, it's not that you don't necessarily want to be intimate with your partner; it's that this is not necessarily the best time, or I have this going on. And, you know, having your partner hopefully be accepting of that, and then also, frankly, capitalizing on the better days. Right?

Rebecca Gillett:
Right.

Jacqueline Child:
Honest and open communication, and I think, like, you know... People's expectations of relationships is that it's always like sexy and hot and steamy all the time, and for any sort of relationship that's not the case. And just know that it's not abnormal to not be in the mood.

Rebecca Gillett:
I think that that's important, to be able to find the right words for you to be able to communicate that with somebody that you're with. Do you have any funny, crazy dating stories that any of you want to share?

Jacqueline Child:
None that are funny. They're like crazy in a bad way.

Alexa Child:
Oh, the person who told you that you shouldn't have kids.

Jacqueline Child:
OK, well, this is like…

Sadiq Jiwa:
Oh, what?

Jacqueline Child:
I was speaking to someone on a mainstream dating app, and he asked me if I wanted to go on a hike, and I said, "Actually, I can't." And I had a really good excuse. I had just had knee surgery, and so I was like, "I'm out of commission, but if you want to go sit at a restaurant, we can do that." And he said, "Well, how'd you injure yourself?" And I said, "I didn't. I actually have a connective tissue disorder," and I left it at that.

And he said, "Well, you'd better not have any kids. You know, it's very selfish of you to pass down your genetic disease." And I said, "What?!" And then, I said, "Oh, well, I know. Maybe I'm considering adopting kids." And he said, "Well, good luck trying to find someone who'll share that vision with you."

Rebecca Gillett:
Wow.

Jacqueline Child:
That was just like the most blatant form of ableism I had ever, ever heard — someone promoting eugenics within two minutes of talking to someone. It was just … it was nasty.

Rebecca Gillett:
Oh my gosh.

Jacqueline Child:
There’s a lot of things I wish I had said.

Rebecca Gillett:
What about you, Sadiq?

Sadiq Jiwa:
I will describe one date that I went on where I was on one of the mainstream apps and I had put in that one of my lifelong dreams is to have a major influence, or open my own foundation, for finding a cure and treating juvenile arthritis. And that was what was commented back, and that's what we were initially bonding over, something that was a completely new concept for me on a mainstream dating app, because a lot of times I don't get the feedback for that.

She believed that she was the foremost expert in juvenile idiopathic arthritis, and, you know, spent half an hour trying to explain, "Well, this is how you should be feeling, and these medications will help, and do this." I said, "I hope, you know, you manage your personality correctly," and that's it. "Thanks for coming out."

Alexa Child:
Yeah, I went on a date once, and I was talking about Jacqueline, and the guy said that fibromyalgia isn't real or something, and we never spoke again.

Jacqueline Child:
(laughs). Ugh.

Alexa Child:
I don't even know what I said back, but it probably was not very nice.

Sadiq Jiwa:
Those people continue to surprise me all the time.

PROMO:
The Arthritis Foundation’s Walk to Cure Arthritis creates community connections, tools and resources, and supports life-changing medical research. Rock the Walk and say Yes to conquering arthritis. Register today at walk to cure arthritis dot org.

Rebecca Gillett:
We have this listener segment in the podcast where we post a question on social. We posted on Instagram: "What's the hardest part about dating with arthritis?" And I’ve got to tell you (laughing), this is the most comments we've had when we've posed a question to talk about on the podcast. We've had so far 113 comments, and man, it's a lot.

Somebody wrote, it's actually Effie from Rising Above RA, she said, "Man, I could write a bad rom com on my dating experiences." (laughs) And I think that's hysterical. But what a lot of people have said their biggest fears are just being different and having somebody accept that you're different or accept that you have something that's lifelong. Most people say everything about dating is difficult when you have a chronic illness, or you have arthritis.

Jacqueline Child:
I think the hope in finding that partner who will be with you through it all is what keeps everyone going, and finding the one who you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Rebecca Gillett:
Yeah.

Sadiq Jiwa:
In golf, and in a lot of professional sports, you are going to have a lot more failures than successes, and unfortunately, that's sort of been my experience as well with dating with arthritis. Put yourself out there and be vulnerable with those. And then, tie that in with a little bit of hope that Jacqueline was saying, and hopefully that's the right recipe to finding what you're looking for. And also, you know, places like Dateability, which might help a little bit more than the mainstream dating apps. (laughing)

Rebecca Gillett:
Another one that somebody said is, “Trying to act like you’re just fine when you’re definitely not.”

Jacqueline Child:
Yeah. My advice to that is that everyone has their demons, whether they're physical or not. Everyone is going through something, and it's just important to keep that in mind. Eventually you'll find someone who you can open up to them and they'll open up to you.

Sadiq Jiwa:
Try not to compare yourself to what the normal is or what the stereotypical image is, because the reality is that you are unique and you have, you know, these unique characteristics and traits. And somebody is going to appreciate those.

Rebecca Gillett:
Somebody wrote, “In my early 20s, I was told by a man that I loved, ‘It’s not you, it's your arthritis.’ It destroyed me.” She was born with RA.

Sadiq Jiwa:
I wish I had some more positive advice for this, but it was the reason I barely dated through high school. Because that, as an initial experience, shattered any confidence that I had and any acceptance of my condition, along with the fact that it was changing so rapidly during that time.

The real key is the more accepting and comfortable you are with your own conditions, at a micro and macro level, the easier it's going to be for you to open up yourself, open up to other people, be vulnerable, and, frankly, handle rejection.

Rebecca Gillett:
Everybody listening, you're a good person. You're not your arthritis. You are who you are. And if people can't accept who you are and that you might have this, then that's not the right person for you. This app, Dateability, I think you guys should check it out.

We like to end each episode talking about our top three takeaways of our conversation. I’m going to start with you first, Jacqueline.

Jacqueline Child:
I think it's nice, you know, there's not many people that I can talk to who experience this. I don't think I've talked to any male with a chronic illness about dating, and it's really, I mean, it's bittersweet to know that you also go through that, but it makes me feel less alone.

Sadiq Jiwa:
I think bittersweet's the right word. One of the big takeaways here is the support network that you have, the people who make that impact physically and emotionally in your lives, family members, siblings, best friends, physiotherapists, right, in my case.

I'm the mayor of a little village, right? I've got all these people that are working behind the scenes and know that thankfully they're in my corner and helping. And when it comes to dating and something that is, you know, a very, I would say in my case, emotionally troublesome, it's really nice to have and to be able to utilize.

Rebecca Gillett:
The more comfortable you are with who you are and what you're dealing with, and you can share that, then the less impact you'll feel from how other people treat you if they reject you or accept you. I've been through 17 surgeries, and my husband's still around. So, I think that you find the right person who can be on your support team, like Sadiq says. Jacqueline, you've got... we'll call it the Alexa factor.

So, thank you, Jacqueline and Alexa, and thank you Sadiq, for joining us in this conversation. To learn more about their stories, you can check out our website. There'll be links in the show notes and more information. Thanks again for joining me.

Alexa Child:
Thank you so much.

Sadiq Jiwa:
Thanks for having us.

MUSIC TRANSITION

Rebecca Gillett:
As I mentioned at the top of the show, this is my final episode as your host of the Live Yes! With Arthritis podcast, one of the best experiences I've had as somebody involved with the Arthritis Foundation — as a patient, as an occupational therapist — connecting with all of you as our listeners in this journey. I can't believe we've produced 73 episodes and launched this in November of 2019.

Tony Williams is here with me, who has a couple times appeared on the podcast. So Tony, do you remember that first day in the studio? We heard your voice, and we were like, "Oh my God, Tony. Where did this come from?"

Tony Williams:
Well, Rebecca, I want to say that you have been such a joy to work with on these podcasts, and so many other things at the Arthritis Foundation over the past several years. And when you came to me back then about making this podcast series a reality, I was so excited that you asked me to be involved. Contributing to voiceovers, helping edit episodes to be listenable lengths. And you know that I have a special secret formula to figuring that out.

Rebecca Gillett:
Yeah, it's a science. (laughs)

Tony Williams:
Along the way you have been so open and honest about your own experiences, baring your heart and soul to connect with those going through similar things that you've had. And as an esteemed co-worker, confidante and good friend, I value everything you've given to me and to so many others. My love goes to you. And it's been an unforgettable journey, so thank you for sharing that with me.

Rebecca Gillett:
Oh, I can't imagine doing it with anybody else, Tony. Your voice is calming and soothing. But you've been a wonderful listener and friend. And Daniel, I remember walking into your studio in Atlanta. Because back in the day, pre-COVID, we actually used to go to Atlanta to Daniel's studio to record. And thought, "Oh my God, this is legit. Like, this place is amazing."

Daniel Daughtridge:
Well, thank you, Rebecca. You’ve made it fun for me to where it's not a job, it's not work. I enjoy looking forward to working with you every time we're recording. And I just... I'm going to miss you a lot. And I hope the best for you.

Rebecca Gillett:
Thank you. Jay Little-Gala has been working on this podcast for most if its life, behind the scenes, but he is one of my work besties. And Bailey Bowman has kind of taken over some of the things that I used to have to do when we first launched.

It's the episode producers behind who help us find the experts and write the outlines and the questions and make sure that we have the expert content that we need to have to share with you. And Bryan Vargo and Jill Tyrer are essential to the podcast.

Jill Tyrer:
Well, Rebecca, I try to write questions for you, but you never need them. (laughs) You always talk so well that you just kind of take it off the top of your head and keep the conversation going and make your guests feel comfortable and conversational anyway.

Rebecca Gillett:
(laughs) Thank you.

Jill Tyrer:
You do such a great job, and you make it look so easy. And I know it's not. But you're just such a comforting presence, and that comes across in every episode. And you're very special. And yes, we will be hounding you.

Bryan Vargo:
I echo that sentiment, Jill. Rebecca, you put the listener and your guests, I think, at ease and let them know that they're not alone and that there's someone here for them. Thank you for everything you've done.

Jay Little-Gala:
Rebecca, you touched so many lives being part of this podcast and we couldn't have done it without you. I'm just really excited to see how many more lives you touch in the future, because you are that type of person that will touch people wherever you go. And I can't wait to hear the stories about the great accomplishments that you make, because we all know you're going to make them.

Rebecca Gillett:
Thank you, guys, so much.

Bailey (Bowman) Cook:
You came into this as the host with a wealth of knowledge as a patient, as an OT, as an Arthritis Foundation staff, as a donor, as an advocate, as a friend. Like, you are the all-encompassing host. You have every part that we need. What's one thing that you've learned from doing the podcast about what arthritis patients need and want, and how they need to hear that new information?

Rebecca Gillett:
They need a connection. And I've always felt that the podcast is something that would help people not feel so alone. And when I was in my early years of diagnosis, feeling alone, I hope that this has given those who feel that way that feeling that they're not alone and empower them with information — if they're ready to take it and receive it, to do something with that information. It’s trusted information that I think we’ve been able to share from some of the best experts in the country on how to manage your arthritis.

I think it's always been my mission to help other people understand and know that you're not your disease. And while we can't control a lot of things about it, there are things we can ourselves do to control our symptoms, how we perceive our disease, how we perceive ourselves and try to enjoy life.

And so, what I've learned really is: Knowledge is power. It really is. And getting that knowledge starts by connecting with other people. And so, I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of you and how grateful I am for having been on this journey and doing this podcast. The Arthritis Foundation changed my life by the people that I met through it. And when I was a volunteer, before I ever came on staff, it's all the people I've met along the way who have showed me that I'm not alone, and there's so much support out there. And that I will never forget and will always be grateful for.

But yes, definitely find a person... Find your Alexa. (laughter) For any listeners who want to follow me on my journey as I create my next steps, you can find me at https://insightwellness.com. Or https://insightwellnessot.com. Our listeners should know that there's some of the best people in the world working behind the scenes to give you content that you need. So, thank you.

Jay Little-Gala:
The Live Yes! With Arthritis podcast isn't going away. We're still going to be here. We have big shoes to fill. But we're still going to bring you top-notch content with some of the leading experts in the country. We’re going to keep aspiring to bring you the content that you need, the content that lets you live a better life and the content that empowers you to Live Yes! With Arthritis.

PODCAST CLOSE:           
The Live Yes! With Arthritis podcast is independently produced by the Arthritis Foundation, to help people living with arthritis and chronic pain live their best life. People like you. For a transcript and show notes, go to https://www.arthritis.org/liveyes/podcast. Subscribe and rate us wherever you get your podcasts. And stay in touch!